Saturday, October 30, 2004

Afghanistan, we liberated you.

(Don't tell me these wars aren't about markets.

Because they ARE about resources and markets, and anyone who tells you otherwise, are wrong. Even if you think it's about ideology, the ideology must continue to grow, and in order to do that, there must be access to energy to fuel the various methods of information transfer. There must be an infrastructure built up to communicate, and to help further the markets. Roads, telephones(wireless is probably the most optimum way in a 3rd world country. One tower is much easier to build than lots of poles stretched out across the land. The biggest issue might be interference from mountains. But, as always, I digress)...)


This idea of "Beauty Without Borders"(see the section below), is really just replacing one ideology(Fundamentalist Islam) with another (Marketable Fashion).

But really, to make it look so WONDERFUL!!! (giggle giggle) --- we can couch it in terms of liberation! Look ladies, you get to wear make up! (ooh aah), you're now free! And of course, freedom doesn't mean anything if you can't choose, so we're going to give you LOTS of options, from earthy, natural tones, to brighter hues. And we can sell special magazines to you, so you can know what the latest trends are! You can join the global village, and some of you may even be able to model on the walkways of Paris! Isn't that so great? But if you want to read, that means we need to build up a school system, but how is that gonna get paid for? Ah-ha! You conveniently have a bunch of oil just sitting there, and I seem to recall that there was a certain oil company named Unocal who was working with your terrible, fascist leaders. An envoy to the government, a corporate diplomat, if you will, who was working to freeing up the oil. Well, we think he'd be a golly-gee-swell sort of leader, so why don't you vote for President after we put him in power? We absolutely PROMISE there will be no hanky panky, just like in America's 2000 election, we put our faith in THE SYSTEM(the shaitan?), and it worked! We know it will work for you.

Trust us, we love you. We want to set you free. Free to buy whatever products we can sell to you, and free to pay us with the revenues generated by your oil. It's a beautiful scheme, you just have to admit.

Aren't you glad, that you are now free to grow opium again? Isn't it nice that even though other sorts of crops don't pay very well, at least we have the demand back home to help pay for your biggest cash crop?

Aren't you glad that those murderous Islamo-Fascists, the Taleban, are gone, and you don't have to worry anymore? Not about them, not about how they even got into power, or who helped them get into power, how they were used by one imperial power against another, and how they in turn, after defeating one power, were able to build up their nightmarish society.

Aren't you glad to forget that you were already a strong modern country with a thriving economy before the Soviets invaded? And that with our funding, the Mujahideen holy warriors were able to fight off against the tyranny of soviet imperialism? That you can forget about imagining what life would've been like for those 20+ years under the just HORRIBLE HORRIBLE Soviet Rule, who would deny you your right to be a christian, and take all your money, and let women work, and walk around freely. It's nice to forget and not imagine that potential past... And to only focus on how sad and degrading the Taleban rule was, while reminding you that it was WE who liberated you!

Bow to American Imperialism! Bow to the fashion-gods, to the models on the walkways with their heroin chic, which you can help to foster. See the holy light of the golden arches. You know, all those fellow countryfolk of yours that we killed, we didn't mean to. And we are just so gosh-darned sorry about dropping food-packages that look like munitions. But things will get better. Trust us.

I mean, look at America, we've certainly done so well these past few years. You can be proud that you have us as a model to look to in paving your way to a strong, democratic future, free from the oppression and evils that haunted you. Sure, there may be some hiccups along the way. And of course, nothing's perfect, so you'll just HAVE to live with the fact that you will be helping to feed an elite few in their ever-growing lust for power. I mean, it's not THAT bad. There may be poverty, but you can be happy that you're free to drink alcohol now to kill away all the numbness that our "free" society leaves to it's most unfortunate victims. But really, it's not our fault their homeless. If they just worked a little harder, maybe they'd have a nice house with a picket fence, and 2.1 children. Sure, some of them may have fought wars for these very same people who want to continue to liberate marke.... sorry, I mean, you, and they might even have a nice award saying how well they dropped bombs on your people in the name of liberty, justice, the AMERICAN(TM) way! They might even have THREE PURPLE HEARTS! And they may have even had the conscience to throw them away, or maybe not. The point is, however, that they gave their all to liberate you. Now, they just have to find the strength within them, the strength that we, in the fine United States Marine Corps, instilled into their very bones... Once they can do that, they can join the ranks of the living.

We are merely giving you a lesson in how to raise yourself up by the bootstraps.

We promise, we will absolutely keep Drugs illegal, so that you can have a means of sustaining yourself. I know, if the drugs become legal, they'll become cheaper, and that hurts your profit margin. And since, really, you're just paying us back for all the liberating we've done, and will continue to do, it's in our best interest as well to keep those prices high.

So rejoice, in your freedom, Afghani. Go where the wind takes you, where the blush and eye-shadow call, and Halal burgers from McDonalds are freely available. We want you to have the choice, the freedom, and ultimately, we really would like for you to enjoy one of the greatest privileges of being an American:

Convenience. You'll appreciate us for it later, really, you will.

Beauty Without Borders

"Beauty Without Borders was set up last year in the grounds of the Ministry of Women's Affairs with the help of Parsa (Physiotherapy and Rehabilitation Support for Afghanistan).

Funding and products were donated by the American beauty industry. Most of the staff - three American and three Afghan-American hairdressers, and the director of the project, Patricia O'Connor, a British-born marketing consultant - volunteered their services."